She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
