Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
