you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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