You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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