PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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