i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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