the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
