Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
