these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
