First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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