I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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