marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
