Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
