I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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