An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
