The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
