Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
