Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
