I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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