Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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