yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
