should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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