my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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