I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just tell him i said nine months
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
