i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
