Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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