I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
