I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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