Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
