Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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