Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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