walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
