I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dicks are not precious.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
