She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
