I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
