I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
