Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
