So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
