do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
