Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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