I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
