Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
