but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she told me i tasted like america
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
