There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
