Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
