Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
