Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
