I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
