there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
