shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
