Your mouth is God's brothel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
