Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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