i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
