you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
