Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
