someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
